Victim of My Own Wrongs

Time and time again as we go thru in life, its funny to realise that most of what, where and who we are now is not the result of anything or anyone else but more of ourselves. We decide our own future, dictate our own lifes and although at times we may put the blame on external factors, it is still ourselves that does the wrong doings in the end. Therefore, it would be fair to say then that we are victims of our own wrongs.

It happened to me just recently. Things were going well until one particular moment when I let emotions got the better of me. Well, the real fact is I was really feeling very down to the extent that tears were the only answer. I did not know wat was really going thru my mind at that moment. All I could ever think bout was to talk to someone. Someone who meant a lot to me. No prizes for guessing, as an ordinary guy in much need of that someone, I did the next best thing; calls after calls after calls.

The only thing on my mind at that moment was I really needed that someone by my side. It did not came to my mind that it was so late at night, that someone was terribly busy and all the things I have mentioned before just fell out of reach. Yes, maybe some will say that I may have a good explanation and a good reason for what I have done. However, if I had just controlled my emotions and became more understanding in that situation, all these wouldn't have conspired.

Yes, as much as we need that particular someone by our sides at times of real needs, it doesn't mean that we can deprive that someone of their own space and time. Nevertheless, I am very much confident that this time around, it has nothing to do with the three devils that I have once mentioned before (ie: jealousy, sensitivity, security). All I needed last night was just a slight moment more with someone.

I hope that this explanation of mine could be accepted. That was purely how I felt that time and that was purely what I had on mind, nothing else. It never came to mind that I wanted to push things further nor make things worst. I am sorry for giving the wrong impression and it hurt you that much. I am terribly terribly sorry...

Please forgive me, I know not what I do
Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you
Please forgive me, if I need you like I do
Please believe me, every word I say is true

Much apologies,

CK